Don't you love when you are really struggling with something and you know that it is Satan just attacking you in your weakest point with your greatest weakness? Never happened to you? Consider yourself blessed! My weakness, anger, forgiveness, letting it go. Mostly when my kids refuse to listen (You know, the whole, "Stop. Stop. Stop. PLEASE stop! I said, STOOOOOP!!!!!" when they are hitting someone/something or talking too much or jumping on/off something...) and then get mad at me for getting on to them or when they yell at me because I asked them to do something (like get dressed for church.)

This morning we planned on going to early church so we would have more free time to play the day away and this pretty much fails every. single. time. Sophie REFUSES to wear anything normal to church and Christopher REFUSES to quit watching tv to get dressed for church. First, Sophie. Getting her dressed for church is like sticking knives in my eyes. Fighting with her to wear a normal outfit that matches for just 2 hours once a week is horrible. (Now you see why I posted her looking so pretty in the previous post. That was an easy morning!) She has worn that Snow White costume two days in a row and wanted to wear it to church. I told her no. She wanted a different princess dress. I told her no. I pull out 3 dresses and let her choose. She told me no. She picks out a summer dress that is too small. I told her no. (Are you as annoyed as I am yet?) She starts crying. I feel like crying. I refuse to let her win because remember, for 6 days and 22 hours a week she can wear whatever the heck she wants! After about 20 minutes we finally agree on a 4th dress and she matches and actually brushes her hair.

Christopher just kicks his blanket on the floor and acts like a spaz for a minute, I roll my eyes behind his back, tell him we are going early so he can play longer this afternoon and he finally realizes I'm thinking about him and gets dressed without another word. (He has also learned that he can sit with me in big church if he behaves.) I can't blame him for not wanting to go so early. He has to be somewhere by 8:00 5 days a week and was thrilled yesterday when he could stay in his pj's and play as long as he wanted.

Are you frustrated tired yet? It's barely an hour into my day.

We get to church and I am so worked up over getting everyone ready that I can't calm down. I'm so angry that I let these precious kiddos get to me and that I can't just let it go. I barely remember anything that was preached this morning and I'm pretty sure I needed to hear it. I want to be one of those moms that thinks everything is beautiful and glorious and blessed and act calm all the time and not let my kids see me annoyed or frustrated or that I even have buttons to dance on. But I am human and I will never have that much control every. single. time. Only God can help me do that.

Fast forward to later this afternoon. We are working in the yard and cutting things down and dragging them to the street and enjoying the most perfect weather (created by the most perfect God, I love Him for beautiful days!). I am dragging a load of branches to the street and the kids have decided to play on the boxes from Sophie's new bed that are at the top of the driveway. They are only about 2 inches thick and they are having fun pretending to slide on them. I smiled and said, "Have fun, but be careful."

How far do you think I got before someone starts screaming? The end of the driveway. I run to the kids and Sophie's crying and holding her head while Christopher is trying to hide in a box. I ask what happened and learn that they thought it would be a great idea if Sophie was to lie down in the box and Christopher jumped on it. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE?!?!?! Why in the world would this sound like a good idea? I know that when we were kids we used to wash our van and pour dish soap on the top of the van to make it slippery, but we never did things like jump on someone lying down. And apparently he landed on her head at one point. I was so mad, and freaked out, I didn't know what to do first. Once I saw that Sophie was fine, I got onto Christopher and told him he needed to check on his sister and give her a hug and tell her he is sorry. He did, but then when I tried to talk about his punishment, he flipped out. Really? HE'S going to flip out? Ugh.

I hate to admit it, but I had a really hard time forgiving him for this. (Just like it took me too long to forgive Sophie for her tantrum this morning.) I know he wasn't totally at fault because he didn't force his sister to lie in a box, she is crazier than he is when it comes to stunts! But I was so angry that they would do something so stupid and that they had no idea how serious this could have been.

Bedtime rolls around and the kids go to pick out their book. Sophie says, "I want THIS Bible book. I want the God Bible book and not the Kaitlyn Bible book." I stop for a second and right before I ask her what she's talking about, I start laughing. Here is the "Kaitlyn" Bible book:

This is our devotional book, or "Bible book" as the kids call it, that we read every night. It has a couple kids in it, one of them named Kaitlyn, and they help teach your kids more about the Bible and the things that God wants us to learn. It is fabulous! I guess Sophie didn't know how to differentiate between this "Bible book".....

and the God "Bible book" she wanted to read. My mom gave this to the kids for Christmas one year and it is seriously the BEST Bible for kids I have ever seen. I enjoy reading it myself! It is the same stories from the Bible, but for kids to understand. It's not just little one page stories, but a couple pages. The images are great too. It's just all around fantastic.

BACK TO THE POINT...

After we read our other books, I asked Sophie which Bible story she wanted to read. (I had forgotten that when she picked this out she also said she wanted to read the "Satan story." Um, ok. ) We read the story of Adam and Eve. Then we get to the part where God gets upset. And it says that this is the part where most stories end, but not in this book. It tells you about how God loves us so much and wants the best for us and how He loves us no matter what and that He forgives us. Yup. I got it. God forgives me. For anything and everything I do that is wrong. I get so caught up in trying to teach my kids the difference between right and wrong and completely forget that I, me, myself, screw up ALL THE TIME! It took a little 4 year old girl, who forgave her brother for hurting her on accident and spend the rest of the night laughing her pretty little head off with him while I was steaming away about what happened hours earlier. And it takes a 6 year old to come and whisper in my ear, "Mom, just ignore her." when a little girl gets me so worked up and I want to scream.

God knows that I need constant reminders that He forgives me and He doesn't stay angry with me and He lets my sins go, so why should I do any different to my own children? Ouch. I know I'm not alone in this battle, but I wanted to record it on here for my own sake. So when I go back I can remind myself that I'm far, far, far from perfect and I constantly need God.