*Please read with an open mind and a closed mouth..... unless you can relate! This is a confession and nothing more. ; )

(my sweet Sophie giving her first on command smile)

So, you would think that being a girl, having a girl would come easy or natural. For me, not so much. I'm not sure if it's b/c Sophie and I had a rocky start to our relationship or that I always pictured myself having all boys, but I think I finally figured out that I need to dig down deep and find my "inner girl." A lot of you who have had girls first may not understand what I'm talking about, but let me explain. As a child, I was kind of girly. I always wanted to wear dresses and didn't like getting dirty or playing outside all that much. I don't remember the dress phase, but my mom does. She's the one who had to hunt around Montgomery, of all places, for knit play dresses for her daughter. (She's from the north, so smocked items were new and not play clothes to her, but that's a whole other story b/c though they are cute I agree with her.) I don't mind getting sweaty and dirty, if I'm dressed and prepared for it.

As I got older I went through the same phases every other pre-teen and teenage girl did with trying to fix your hair just right and make sure you looked just right, but deep down, I really didn't care all that much. I still remember the day in 6th grade when I found out people showered before going to school in the morning. I was never the person you wanted to go to for hair, makeup or fashion advice. Now, I wasn't an "Ugly Betty," but those things just weren't important to me. I wasn't a tomboy either. I was terrible at sports, but I enjoyed watching and cheering for them. I kind of fell somewhere in the middle.

So, when we found out that we were pregnant with our second, I was actually hoping it was a girl. The idea of doing her hair and picking out little dresses was very appealing. Fast forward to now and I have been just about as lost as a girl can be! Once Sophie got to where she could play with you, all she knew was trucks and cars and diggers, the things her brother knows and therefore, I know. But she's a girl. At first I loved the fact they enjoyed playing with the same things b/c in all honesty, the whole idea of a princess obsessed girl totally freaked me out! (Please to not tell me all about it, I already know it's great.) I guess b/c I was never the princess type and was absolutely terrified that she would turn into a bratty princess who always wanted her way. Besides the thought of explosions of pepto bismal pink and glitter was more than I could handle. I'm not a feminist by any means, but I just think there are so many other things that girls can play besides princess. Think back to when you were little, what did you play? We played house, teacher, library, cops, ice cream shop, theatre, all kinds of things! (Some of you are probably laughing b/c my son is known for his deep passion for all things construction, but it doesn't bother me. He has other things he loves too, like animals and trains and farming and bikes, etc.)

Lately I have felt completely lost and unable to relate to her and can't figure out why. Then it hit me. We actually have something in common, we are both... girls! (duh, I know.) Every time she has been introduced to "girly" things she has eaten it up. You paint her toes, she shows everyone. You say the word "shoes" and she runs to get a pair for everyone. You show her a pair of shoes and she plops down where she is and sticks her foot in the air. (I actually got $5 off a pair b/c the woman selling them thought it was the cutest thing she'd ever seen!) You turn on music and she twirls. You show her fairy wings and she won't take them off. So, I decided, I need to find my inner girl and bond with my little girl. Ever since I realized this we have had so much fun together. I think we just didn't know what to do with each other. Now I'm really excited I have a little girl! I always have been, just didn't know it until now!