Most people don't like when Mondays roll around. I was one of those when I was working, but since I've been a stay-at-home mom I never really cared that much. Everyday is pretty much the same around here. But yesterday was full of funny comments and gross situations and I just had to write about it. It all started Sunday night when we were working in the yard and decided we needed some kind of weed killer to just kill everything in our backyard and start fresh. (There is no grass, just weeds we keep cutting.) I thought since Mondays are "laundry day" at our house that we could take a break and run to Lowes to buy some weed killer. To get Christopher excited about leaving the house I asked if he wanted to go to the "lawn mower store" to get something. Here's how that conversation went:

Me: "Christopher, do you want to go to the lawn mower store???"

Christopher: "Get a digger at the commissary."

Me: "No, we aren't going to the commissary, we are going to the lawn mower store."

Christopher: "Get a digger at lawn mower store."

Me: "No, we are going to get weed killer."

Christopher: "Go buy two auger drillers at lawn mower store."

Me: "You want to buy two auger drillers????"

Christopher: "Yes."

Me: "I don't think we can afford that."

Christopher: "Oh." (then runs off to play.)

Not long after that, I had what felt like the 35th dirty diaper in 3 days to change and Brandon happened to call. I told him the kids were still pooping like crazy and he thinks they might have something (he knows name, I have no clue) and that he'll call me back in a minute. He calls back and says to take dirty diapers from each kid, if I have any around (I laugh b/c I have 4 from the last 2 hours) and take it to the lab to drop off and they can get stool samples to see what's going on. So, I pull out 2 dirty diapers each from the trash can, put each kids in its own bag, load the kids up in the van and grab snacks, bottles and drinks in case we have to wait a while. It's 11:00 by now and I know that's about the worst time to ever go near any kind of doctor office. We pull up to the hospital and Christopher's response is, "Daddy's house!!!" My first thought is, how sad. We get loaded into the stroller, poopy diapers, snacks and all and start walking inside. Thankfully since we have the "samples" with us we don't have to take a number and find an empty seat, of which there aren't very many, and just wait off to the side until the unpleasant man working the desk tells us it's our turn. We finally are helped and he grabs the kits that are used for this "situation" and begins to tell me what I need to do. Here's how that conversation goes:

Man: "Take these bottles, place stool samples in each one......." (I'll spare you the rest.)

Me: "I'm sorry, you want me to do what?????? I was told I just needed to drop the diapers off."

Man: "The bathroom is that way. Turn it in when you are done."

So, off to the bathroom we go. I have no clue how I'm going to deal with getting stool samples with a 2 year old in a bathroom and a 7 month old who is quickly coming up on bottle time, but we go ahead. My saving grace was that the toilet had a lid and the bathroom actually looked clean, so Christopher starts climbing all over the toilet and then decides he wants a snack. I tell Christopher he's on his own, I'm going in. He's all over the place and I'm wishing I wasn't a mom at the moment. Sophie starts to fuss and spits her pacifier onto the floor. I can't get it b/c I'm dealing with poop. Christopher wants his milk. He decides to rest it on the railing behind the toilet. I'm dealing with poop! I've got Sophie's samples taken care of and move on to Christopher's. Here's what happens:

Christopher: "My LIGHTENING QUEEN diaper!! My POOP!!!! Mommy, me see my diaper! Me see my poop!" (In case you didn't pick up on it, he's yelling this as loud as he can.)

Me: "STOP!!!! Get down!!!!! Don't touch anything!!!! FREEZE!!!!!"

Christopher: "Whatcha doin' Mom?"

Sophie: "Waaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!"

Me: "Don't bother me right now. Don't touch that!!! Sophie, you have to wait, I'm sorry."

Meanwhile, the door where you put the samples keeps opening and closing on the lab side and I know they are wondering what in the world is taking so long. They have no idea. It sounds like people are gathering outside the bathroom during this too, waiting for their turn, but I only have about 0.01 second to think and care about them at this point. We finally finish, gather our things and wash mine and Christopher's hands with the hottest water we can stand and tons of soap. We turn to leave and I just keep repeating to him, "DON'T touch anything!!" We go sit in the waiting area, feed Sophie her bottle and then head home for lunch. Which I don't really feel like eating anymore. I feed the kids, put them down for naps and crash on the couch hoping the rest of the day goes cleaner and smoother. We do more laundry, change more diapers and by some miracle Brandon comes walking through the door at 5:00. I haven't even started dinner b/c he usually doesn't get home until almost 7:00 and there wasn't any point. He fixes dinner (b/c it was his idea, not b/c I didn't want to) while I push Sophie and Christopher in the swings and then we all sit and enjoy a nice meal together as a family. We never made it to Lowes and I only got halfway through the laundry, but it was a good day overall. Maybe next Monday will be a little less eventful. Doubt it!